Can delivering blunt one-liners make you more confident?
German life coach Karin Kuschik offers handy phrases for setting boundaries and dodging drama in her best-selling book 50 Sentences That Make Life Easier.
Once Karin Kuschik didn't dare to speak her truth - now she's become a more self-assertive person by learning to communicate like one.
Using sentences with 'I' as the subject rather than 'you' - for example, saying to a queue-jumper 'I'll just return to my place' instead of 'You took my place' - is a simple way to quash potential conflict, Kuschik says.
"If the word 'you' is not in the sentence, then how can they be offended? How can they take it personally? They're not even in it. You're just talking about yourself," she tells Sunday Morning.
Speaking directly about your boundaries can feel a bit brutal at first, says German life coach Karin Kuschik, but it gets easier when you experience positive results.
Irfan Moosani
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Quotes from 50 Sentences That Make Life Easier:
'I lost track of time' (instead of making up an excuse when you're late)
Nobody really wants to hear the full, detailed story in this situation, Kuschik says.
'I just lost track of time' has the benefit of being both honest and true.
"It makes you feel so much better because you're clear, you're fair, you're frank and charming at the same time."
‘I just realised this topic doesn't interest me’
Because we are afraid of appearing rude, we usually don't dare saying things like this mid-conversation, Kuschik says, but 'I just realised this topic doesn't interest me’ is actually a way of being polite with which she's had great results.
"It's not saying, 'You're boring'. What it really says is 'I'm afraid I'm just not the right audience for this topic'. It says, 'This subject doesn't really interest me, so I don't have anything of value to add'.
Worst-case scenario, people might think that you've just told them theyre boring, she says, but then you get to say ‘No, I didn't say anything about you. I was just talking about myself. I am a bad audience. Let's just change the subject because I don't have anything to add'.
"Then you don't have to lie to your friends, and you don't have to go home and tell your husband or your wife ‘Oh, my God, [so-and-so] was so boring’... because that's really rude in my book.”
'I'm much too [whatever] for this'
If you're not into participating in something and you don't quite know how to say so, it can help to just state the obvious, Kuschik says.
This could be 'I'm much too self-confident for this' or even 'I'm much too radiant for this' as a woman once said to her.
‘I decide who pushes my buttons’
This phrase - which became the title for the American edition of 50 Sentences That Make Life Easier- was one Kuschik heard years ago from a folk singer during a heated moment in a recording studio.
Somehow, the woman kept herself amazingly calm while everyone around her was yelling, Kuschik says, and when asked how she did that, this was her reply.
It's powerful to watch somebody not taking things personally and speaking lines which convey self-mastery can be a "game changer".
Not only does it help to calm down you down, Kuschik says, you'll also come across as impressively self-confident.
"People take you more seriously, and then a dynamic starts, and that's quite interesting."
'I don't know' always means no
This line is a truism rather than a confidence-booster, Kuschik says, but for indecisive a useful thing to keep in mind.
The concept can be applied to anything from a marriage proposal to a pair of new pants you're not sure about, she says.
"'I don't know' always means 'no' because if it was a 'yes', you would feel it."
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